Why Steve Harvey Needs to Have A Seat


As Mimi and Nikko’s sex tape makes the rounds on the Internet, I knew it was only a matter of time before the policing began. Sure enough, yesterday a friend posted a recording of Steve Harvey on the radio, in which he earnestly advised “young women” against the making of sex tapes, etc. and once again revealed himself to be the sexist, opportunistic D-bag that so many have come to loathe.

The excerpt of his little speech that I heard begins with him explaining that the internet is forever, and how what gets put online stays online forever. Case in point. And while it’s true that many people—young or not—lack full understanding of the permanence of the Internet and how nothing can ever be truly erased, I already have a problem with the direction this sermon is going because…”young women?” Now, I haven’t actually seen Mimi and Nikko’s sex tape, but from what I understand…it’s a sex tape with Mimi and Nikko. Not Mimi. Mimi and Nikko.

Steve Harvey-types view women and sex through the lens that misogyny has provided for centuries: the lens that renders men invisible when there is an instance of shame being doled out. Casual sex, unwed pregnancy: centuries of misogyny dictates that it only takes one to tango; that the shame of “illicit” sex falls squarely on the shoulders of one and not two. And those shoulders always belong to a woman. When it comes to wagging a finger or calling someone a whore for premarital sexual activity, the man involved somehow dematerializes into a puff of smoke, leaving the woman to bear the brunt of society’s scorn alone.

In the radio recording, Steve Harvey goes on to rail against the Internet:

“The Internet has become a playground for evildoers. You sit up and you listen to somebody and all the sudden they’re making decisions and comments about you and they never even met you.”

He then adds:

“Please young women out there, think of yourself […] think about what people will say about you when you’re not around; stuff people will say behind your back.”

What’s annoying about Steve Harvey is that he delivers these little gems under the guise of being interested in the empowerment/protection of women and girls. A thin guise, I might add. Harvey warns girls about the backlash they will receive from random people on the Internet if they participate in a sex tape, but isn’t Harvey pretty much exactly that: a random voice on the Internet/TV/radio making comments about girls and women he’s “never even met?” He cautions us about the shame we will receive if we dare make a sex tape, but uses the same shame as the tool to keep us from doing it. Shamed if you do; shamed if you don’t. According to Harvey, women’s lives should be dictated by the expectations and presumptions of others. Our bodies are not our own: we exist at the will of laws perpetuated by people like Steve Harvey, who would have us covering our ankles in the name of modesty. Harvey isn’t interested in empowering us: he only wants to lay red tape in tight boxes around us in his effort to corral us into his idea of the ideal woman.

And Steve Harvey’s ideal woman is exactly what you would expect, fitting neatly into the virgin/whore dichotomy that has plagued women for lifetimes. “You’re not here for sex,” Harvey says in the recording. “You’re here for life. God didn’t create you for sex.”


And why not? Why are we not here for sex? Isn’t it part of life? But more importantly, how did this conversation go from talking about sex tapes to sex in general? It’s one thing to say “Hey boys and girls, sex tapes are forever. It may be sexy now, but you may not want the whole world seeing that in ten years.” Sure. Fair facts. But that’s not enough for Harvey, and for some reason he seems incapable of addressing boys: only girls. Rather than using the Mimi and Nikko sex tape as a teachable moment about privacy, permanence, and the longevity of Internet decisions, Harvey can’t resist transforming that moment into a diatribe about shame and God’s plan for women’s bodies.

You see, those who are truly interested in empowering women and girls use different words. Instead of “Think of the horrible things people will say about you,” people who are truly interested in empowering women and girls say, “Don’t worry about what people say. You are autonomous.” Instead of, “You weren’t put here for sex,” people who are truly interested in empowering women and girls say, “Sex is one of many beautiful parts of life when it is consensual. You can have as much or as little of it as you want: just protect yourself.” These are the words we use when we seek to empower girls and women. The kind of shaming tactics Steve Harvey employs are not only tired, patriarchal regurgitations, but they fly in the face of actual women’s empowerment and turn “sex” and “women” into painful opposites that should have nothing to do with another. And everything else aside: men and boys are still absent from Harvey’s lecture.

This has all been written about before. Extensively. Yet Steve Harvey still added this to the end of his little speech:

“You’re putting your most precious gift out on display. For a pearl, you gotta dive to the bottom of the ocean […] Ain’t no diamonds laying on top of the earth: they don’t grow like corn. […] This thing every man got to have: your body. Your precious jewel. You’re sitting on a gold mine. Please act like it, young ladies. Act like you’re sitting on a gold mine. Because it is what every man is after. And we will pay dearly for it.”

Is anybody else creeped out? Is anybody else extremely uncomfortable about the fact that Steve Harvey is telling girls that they should treat their vaginas like a means of currency because men will “pay dearly for it”? Let me tell you a few things, Mr. Harvey. I’ll put them in bullet points so you don’t miss anything:

  • Women’s vaginas are not our most precious gift. Our minds, our souls, our personalities, are far more precious and will do more for us in our lives than the so-called gold-mine between our legs. In fact, for vaginas to be gold mines, they don’t bring us much gold just sitting down there being vaginas. Ever heard of women’s struggle for equal pay? Come on, Steve.
  • Diamonds aren’t that f*cking great. In fact, they’re intrinsically worthless. Their value is based on artificial scarcity, a system created by tycoons who seek to propagate the belief of their rarity to increase their worth. It’s almost like the idea of chastity. Chew on that.
  • If women “aren’t here for sex,” yet it’s the thing that “every man wants,” then does that mean that men are here for sex? Why would “God” make men for sex and not women? That seems silly. No, it doesn’t seem silly. It is.
  • Nikko was in the sex tape too. Where’s your sermon for him? Aren’t men and boys’ bodies just as valuable? Is their sex not also precious?

Steve Harvey’s explicit advice to young women is that when it comes to our sexual activity, we should think before we act—before we “give it away”—because “think of what people will say about us behind our backs.” And when it comes to a society that makes women’s bodies and what women do with them a matter of scorn and shame, Steve Harvey knows which side he’s on: the side that does the scorning and the shaming. His critique looks no further: it stops at the young women who are held prisoner by this ideology. He does not criticize the ideology itself; rather, he upholds it.

Steve Harvey is not interested in empowering or protecting young women. Instead, he joins the likes of Tyler Perry, Tyrese, Chey B, who would sit on their towering soap boxes making money off policing the lives and bodies of women. Write a book about young boys for once, Mr. Harvey, if you want to impress me: write a book about rape culture and the way we teach young men that women’s bodies are trophies, objects, status symbols, commodities.

Oh wait. You already know. Because with all your jabbering about gold mines and diamonds and precious jewels, you’re doing the teaching. The woman, Mimi, that you are criticizing is doing exactly what you suggest. You said what’s between our legs is a gold mine, right? Isn’t Mimi set to make a gold mine from this sex tape? Oh, but that’s not what you meant, right? A little too much autonomy, mixed with too little care for “what people say behind her back.” Have a seat, Mr. Harvey. Have this one. Or this one. Or this one. Just make sure you choose a sturdy chair, because times are changing: women see through your crap and we’re not here for it. Get comfortable. You may be sitting for a long time.

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144 thoughts on “Why Steve Harvey Needs to Have A Seat

  1. d. tafakari says:

    Exactly. 100% of the rhetoric I’m hearing about this stupid sex tape centers on taking Mimi to task, for whatever reason. The consensus on Nikko? “Oh, he’s winning.” I have no more fight about this. I’m just weary of us saying “society will judge you” when the society, the judgers, WE’RE it.

    And for all the Christians moralizing about this sex tape that makes *her* dirty, they seem to have no moral compunction about watching it. Interesting.

    • oliviaacole says:

      You said it perfectly! Amen.

    • i do not agree. women know that men are stupid. 99% of men have a huge lack of morality. i think what steve is saying is that it will take the women of this word to guide things back to where they NEED to be. now had steve just said nikko the the gripe would be that he didnt mention mimi. mimi is going to go through hell about their child because people who post things like this just want to complain about something instead of getting the message. just my opinion

      • d. tafakari says:

        “99% of men have a huge lack of morality.”

        And yet they see fit to judge women. I think that statistic (dubious numbers?) is a cop-out that allows men to not take responsibility for their own actions. Women are not here to be men’s moral compass; we are all humans with the same capacity for good and bad. That’s too easy.

      • Cathy Cox says:

        I don’t agree either…there’s always been a double-standard where male and female are concerned. Steve told it right! The female is always judged much harsher than the male concerning these type of sexual escapades whereas he’ll get a pat on the back for his sexual prowess, and she’ll be scorned and gain an EXTREMELY bad reputation, probably for the rest of her life! So, I’m with Steve…..hope he continues to stand up…..NOT SIT DOWN!

      • Yes Mimi will get scorned heavily, but we are missing the point that she is going to get scorned because she doesn’t fit the patriarchy image of a woman which Steve is reproducing himself. Instead of changing Mimi, how about we change how we think about women and sex.

      • 99% of men what???? Now if that isn’t a sexist statement, I don’t know what is. I have morals, excuse me, thank you and so do my 2 sons and many many other men I’m sure. I don’t know what men you’ve been around but you need to move!!!!

      • I agree. Unfortunately women will never get it.

      • For the record, men are not stupid. Steve Harvey is doing two things wrong. He’s judging and condemning Mimi for one and the other is that he’s only doing it to Mimi. He’s holding Mimi to a higher standard than he’s holding Nikko. They’re both equally in it together no matter if they’re right or wrong for doing so. If Mimi is wrong so is Nikko. I believe in equal responsibility when it comes to adults and their behavior.

      • I totally disagree with the statement that men are 99% immoral. Immorality is shared equally by both sexes. Men and women both have attributes created by God to bring balance to things. Men are physically stronger than women and women are sexually stronger than men. Women are the masters of sex, they say when or when not. Men are the ones who chase, spend money, lie, and do all the things we do to have sex, It’s up to the woman to regulate sexual intercourse. That’s the burden that women are born to bare. So it was up to MiMi to say no we’re not doing this tape or yes we can do it that’s why women are shamed more in situations like these. It is a double edge sword, sorry but that’s just life.

    • Yeah we’d like everything to be equal, we’d love for our pay rate to be exact, we’d love to be rich as soon as our collective feet hit the ground every morning. But the reality is, that nothing on earth is within eye level with another. The woman is child bearer, the nurturer, the voice, the heart, the most sacred thing in the household. If the man and woman in a household are without a good foundation, the house won’t stand. If the man is of good foundation and the woman is not. Again, the house will not stand. If the woman is a godly woman, a morally correct woman, A woman who makes a man earn her treasure, what the hell will that make the man in the process? Reverse the roles if you must, but what city on earth carries over one hundred men that’ll make a woman fight to earn sexual relations? Please tell me, and i hope that you’re being honest with yourself. I am a man of god and I do agree that it takes two, and two should be celibate until marriage, but tell me who has the power when both are weak? Lets be honest, and I have a lot of stories on my own celibacy, as do my fellowship brothers.

      • You said it brotha!!!

      • Virgil Hill says:

        mimi is a grown ass woman that man did not make her do a damn thing, obviously yall haven’t seen her within the past couple of days she is a proud porn star bragging out how the stores have sold out of shower curtains she look might damn happy so whats everybody else problem.

      • Amen Vaughn. Unfortunately, many on this post will not comprehend it. Some are unable to grasp it so they will attack it. Steve Harvey made comments filled with grace and concern not condemnation. They totally missed that in their reaction to defend moral bankruptcy. He is a public figure who voiced his opinion to his own audience who listens because they respect (even if they don’t agree with) his opinion. Now Olivia Cole says he should not speak his opinion on his show and instead sit down but she readily shares her own opinion on her blog. We’ve reached new heights or ignorance. If there were substance to her point she would have engaged and challenged his thought process rather than discount and dismiss it. She lacks the requisite insight so she and her readers must attack.

    • Omar Sutton says:

      Okay,Let me say this..Yes it was two people a Man and a Woman who made a sex tape.. Nothing’s wrong with that, they made it open to the public. Okay, there’s nothing wrong with that either. Here’s where the problem develops. Other peoples Opinions, in this instant we are speaking about Steve Harvey’s opinion which he addressed this issue as a Lack of respect. A lack of self respect by Mimi and a lack of respect and honor for Mimi by Nikko.. Which means that Steve Harvey is not glorifying this Man Nikko, He is not Hi-fivng him and giving him props for being a D-bag. In fact, Steve Harvey questioned his character as a man asking, “How could any self respecting man claim to have respect for his woman, the lady who he’s suppose to honor, when he’s putting her personals on display for the world with the purpose to get rich or to gain some sort of fame off of her. Yes Steve got on MImi and so he should have. we need to remember that Women are the most valuable resource on the planet. Why should a man not want to hold a woman up to such a standard, why should a man want to expect anything less than a woman an honorable one. Yes women should not be glorified for selling there bodies, they should not be glorified for taking on the natural gender roles of males. They should be as classy as possible and have some sort of cultural respect for themselves instead of acting like men with no class or self restraint. Why do women want to be equal to men, when women are supposed to be honored by them. Can’t women understand that this is what drives the “double standard”.. Looking for and hunting women for the purpose to have sex with them is a man’s natural instinct and gender role. men Have penises which is an external organ, we are territorial and ran by our male dominant instincts which are all primitive. Women do not possess these as natural traits, as adaptable by learning yest but not nature. Men and women are tow different genders of the same species with each gender having its Natural roles.. Men should Honor the woman! Women should always carry themselves in a respectful manor. The real problem is that Women want to be equal to that of men and be accepted by men as equals when the truth is that Men are not Equal to the value of the Woman. Women are the Most valuable Resource on the Entire planet..Its not gold, silver, or platinum and its definitely no a diamond or oil. its’ the Woman.. Especially the Black Woman!! And all other Women as Well.

      • tdmason says:

        Very well put @Omar Sutton people just DON’T GET IT…

      • Jay Gatling says:

        Well put. Olivia A. Cole obviously has an axe to grind against Steve harvey that she completely missed his attempt to share his wisdom and opinion.

      • well said, Brother Omar!

      • No disrespect but Omar you sound real soft right now. Women should honor men as well. Western civilization is the only culture where men chase after women like we do. Everything is about women here. In other countries it is the man who is honored by the woman more. Of course women should be respected and honored but so should men. It goes both ways. Women have to respect themselves before they can expect a man to. In all honesty women have conceded their god given sexual power to men. They dance to the songs that call them the very same things that they swear they are not. They love to be premiscuous. Look at the clothes they wear. Tights leaving nothing to the imagination, short skirts, high heels, low cut blouse showing cleavage, etc.. I think most women in this American society are whorish and are absolutely fine with that. As a man I don’t mine but it definately makes it harder to find a good girl. But most women don’t wanna be good, they wanna be equal, just like MiMi.

    • You are assuming Christians are watching it and likewise “have no moral compunction.” You don’t have to watch it to know its out there…obviously.

    • ejoycem says:

      Well said. While Steve is preaching, he seems to have forgotten that even Christ asked, “where’s the man? Why shouldn’t he be stoned?” when Mary was brought to him to be judged. Oh, and BTW, Harvey didn’t even write those two books, they were written by a woman. But ya’ll knew that, right?

    • d. tafakari says:

      “You have way to much time on your hands.”

      And yet, you also take the time to respond to me, even though you think I’m being over-righteous and you don’t know me. I could say much the same for you. Happy Easter!

    • Unfortunately you didn’t say it perfectly, rather about as shallow as those actually justifying your view. Don’t say Christians based on “some”, just as the acts of some women don’t make up “women” as a whole. I’m a Christian and haven’t nor do I intend to view the tape(s). As for Steve, his followers follow by choice -some in support and other to oppose. Love him or [leave him], don’t hate him and chase him. When people I don’t feel come around; appear on my TV; invade my stereo; or jump in my business, I politely move around -never giving opportunity to cause weariness. Note, I could care less about Mr. Harvey, rather I speak out for we Christians. There is no “us” or “U” in “them”,

      • d. tafakari says:

        I don’t hate Steve Harvey at all; I didn’t even mention him. Really, I was speaking broadly to the tone of most comments I’ve heard about the tape, which I haven’t seen either. But just as anyone is welcome to speak out about their disapproval of Mimi’s sex tape, why am I counseled to be quiet by so many men exercising their right not to be? I’m not being contrary, just stating my opinion like everyone else.

    • Kevin Hawk says:

      First of all there wouldn’t even be all of this attention on a Nikko sex tape, the publicity for the dumb ass tape is because of Mimi. She made the decision to do it knowing she was already putting herself out there in a bad way, as far as I’m concerned, being on reality tv with the ignorant bullshit just to be famous. Her fame wasn’t high enough so she put out a tape. Secondly who gives a damn about what Steve Harvey has to say? At the end of the day Mimi is gonna do what Mimi wants to do and people are gonna watch the tape and people are gonna bash her for making it, after they watch it. It’s all opinionated rhetoric anyway. So quit whining about what the next man said cause just like you didn’t agree with him there are millions of people that don’t agree with you.

      • d. tafakari says:

        Why are you whining about what I’m saying when the author of the post agrees with me, just as millions of other people do?

        I swear people who disagree with me keep trying to insinuate that A. I’m wasting my time and B. I should be quiet, when they’re doing the exact same thing I’m doing. If you guys actually said something worth responding to, it wouldn’t be a waste of time typing.

  2. Brilliant once again Olivia. You hit on some many important topics especially the double standardness of it all. Why don’t we teach young men the same things we drill into the minds of young women (purity, guilt, shame, reputation, etc). This is in fact what perpetuates rape culture, objectification, etc. We (women) are the commodities and/or property to be bought, sold, exchanged and the highest bidder wins – a vicious cyclical mentality that needs to stop!

  3. Olivia while I appreciate you standing out and speaking your mind, I think you have a misinterpretation on your hand. It is clear that you haven’t grew up around old school black men. Why be judgemental on his use of words? When his message was that of positivity.

    Ohhh he said don’t have sex and our body is gold. He should have said this? Really?

    At least Steve harvey has the decency to speak out. He may not have said everything correct, you take what he says and twist it all around. At least he uses his platform for good and I appreciate Steve Harvey. People like you will always complain about something someone does.

    No one is perfect and your twisting of words and lack of understanding really is disheartening. I wish I could remember which friend shared this on my wall because I would unfriend them right now.

    We are all different and Steve Harvey grew up in the church and old school error. Sorry he doesn’t talk or speak like you, but instead of telling someone they need a seat appreciate he took the time to install positivity, even if everything he stated wasn’t politically correct. He is talking to the young girl’s and he also talks about the mind as well.

    Case in point like this statement:

    This thing every man got to have: your body. Your precious jewel. You’re sitting on a gold mine. Please act like it, young ladies. Act like you’re sitting on a gold mine. Because it is what every man is after. And we will pay dearly for it.”

    Really? Your comment is to attack what he is saying and call it weird. All I see is him saying having respect for yourself and you are gold. And to watch out for men who will pay for it.

    Uhhh newsflash, there are men out there that will pay for it and use manipulation to do so.

    Ewww this hater crap has to stop. You aren’t promoting and helping the problem, but only perpetuating the issue.

    Sorry you have a seat….

    • You deserve a hug for this response!! I couldn’t read the entire thing because its BS! I also appreciate Steve for speaking on this issues. I didn’t have one problem with the things that he stated. To me he hit the nail on the head on ALL points. I wish people would stop taking things that are meant to be positive and empowering and making it the opposite. And I second that motion…YES! HAVE A SEAT!!!

    • I agree with you. Olivia needs to have several seats!

      If all Olivia got out of this is Steve saying a woman’s most precious commodity is their vagina then she is missing the point on so many levels and/or just wanted to stir some controversy!

      The bottom line is women and men need to respect themselves but women so often lack the common sense to know their worth!

      Mimi and dummies like her are trying their hardest to get their 15mins of fame and attention and they will sacrifice themselves at any cost!

      Even at an age when one “should know better” – this woman has allowed herself to be pimped out for pennies and this is the legacy she is leaving for her daughter.

      It’s beyond sad!

      • Very well articulated…I agree with your response 110%! It’s clear that Olivia has COMPLETELY missed the point of Steve’s response. This entire issue/dialogue is about SELF-RESPECT…NOT sexism. I’m often baffled at the extremes some folks go to just to create controversy…smdh. I’ve always held the belief that men hold some responsibility in the way women are depicted and treated in today’s society. However, women, ultimately, hold all of the cards, as pertains to HOW they are depicted & treated. If women, collectively, would stand up, agree and DEMAND to be treated with dignity and respect, men would no choice but to fall in line. As long as the “Mimi’s” of the world and continue to exist and objectify themselves for a little bit of money and fame, black women of higher standards and decency will continue to have an uphill battle when it comes to restoring and projecting a positive image.

      • I agree, Money is the root of all evil, not to say money is evil, but the things people do for it can be. it is not worth selling your soul for money and besides when we leave this earth we can’t take anything with us.

        Every choice we make will affect us and someone else, so choose wisely.Be yourself and stop trying to be and do what everyone else does.

    • Amen…all day. Steve was 100% and uses his platform to make sure young ladies and men hear the facts as they are in today’s culture.

    • Amen!! good point Educated!!! He is speaking on these young ladies because he know that the world glorifies the men UNLESS the backward men that think Kim K is a winner but is blatantly the worst and still put up on a pedastal.

    • thank you! took a minute to find the right comment to agree upon. every word he said is true. my grandfather called it a pocketbook. at age 19 i realized what he meant!!! my grandmother said don’t let every man run up in you….realized what that meant too. so miss olivia stop shooting the messenger and start promoting the message.

    • Yes!! Co-signed and approved!

    • Tasha Parker says:

      Yes!!! Nikko couldn’t have sex on the video if MiMi didn’t allow it!

    • I agree with you 100%. Nikko is not “winning”, and he is also not worth discusding. The focus on Mimi is because as a mother, and hurt ex, her judgment was off. This should never have been an option.

    • Cathy Cox says:

      Educatedbrotherspeaking, you hit it point blank! Glad you saw through the “garbage.”

    • I couldn’t have said it better myself! I for one, am a single mother and I appreciate Steve giving credence to the fact that there are sacrifices that we make. I could make rationalizations all day I want to, but in the end nothing is worth the respect and dignity of my family.

    • tdmason says:

      Amen…And yessssssssss….Olivia please have 2 SEATS!!!!

    • Amen! Thank you for ‘reading between the lines’!!

  4. Honestly, this response is disappointing in many ways. From Janet Jackson to Kim Kardashian to Miley Cyrus, society has demonstrated, over and again that women are the major casualties in these so-called consensual and mutually impactful acts. In the feigned pursuit of equality, feminists tell women that they can do anything men can do, spinning the lie that their decisions will have equal impact. This couldn’t be further from the truth! Women are ALWAYS disproportionately penalized for indiscretion. So, wouldn’t this make it of greater import for women to protect their name and to guard their legacy?!?!

    Steve is telling THE TRUTH! But, because he seems to “come down on” women, you suggest he sit down?!?!?! I applaud Steve for his courage for telling the ladies of the world how it truly is. I pray you wake up.

  5. I agree with Steve.. Sorry!

  6. kocoahauntis says:

    Steve is telling the truth. What is LIKE, is DRAWN Together. So if anyone has an issue with what Steve says must be drawn to the opposite. This “author” is trying to twist his words. There is nothing “empowering” about making a sex tape. The author is a silly one to believe a woman’s sexuality is not precious. What type of sick thinking could possibly be upset with such an uplifting message?! You mad because Mr. Harvey is reminding women of their worth and nothing good comes of being a fame whore? This person should not put her low level of self worth on the rest of us. The above writing is an expose’ on the author’s level of maturity to not know men will always get a pass on such behavior, women never will. I believe whomever wrote this nonsense should have a very long seat for a very long time.

    • Should have a seat in a corner! LOL! Give me a break!

    • You say there is nothing empowering about making a sex tape but I know married couples that it has been empowering for. Christian married couples who made a tape watched it and destroyed it. So just because it isn’t for you means nothing.
      At no point did the author say a woman’s sexuality isn’t precious in fact the opposite what she said is it isn’t the most precious thing about us or the only precious thing about us. To say it is, is objectifying and certainly isn’t uplifting. There is nothing uplifting about being told my vagina is my greatest resource.
      Mr. Harvey is keeping himself relevant on the backs of black women and you are calling Mimi a fame whore? That is an interesting observation.
      The author clearly knows that there is a double standard it is an expose’ on your level of understanding that you don’t realize that author is writing beyond that basic concept to actually question that system and say it shouldn’t be tolerated vs. you co signing it.

  7. Sam Escobar says:

    So do i tell my baby niece when she grows up thats its ok to let guys film her and fuck her?? cool.. ill put that in my list of things to teach her when she gets older … smh

  8. Minaa B says:

    You have started an uproad with this post and I am quite glad. I believe your post here holds one specific point, Where is Nikko in the midst of the whore-bashing?! Oh so because Nikko is “childless” it’s deemed “ok” for him to exploit himself along with his woman? They are both in the wrong, if they are dating he has taken on the role of being a provider, protector and role model for HER daughter. So consider it THEIR child and they BOTH need to get their lives in order. They BOTH made a decision to release this tape, not just mimi, so while young women are taught to protect their bodies is the message that its ok for young men to be lustful self-satisfying primates who don’t need to cherish their bodies. Women are jewels but men must be apes. Nowawday everyone is on the feminist movement and on how to have boys treat little girls, what about how young boys should treat themselves? … Society is such a joke.

    • J.R. LeMar says:

      Exactly. It’s weird, it’s like the people who are criticizing this blog didn’t actually read it.

      • We read it we just don’t agree. Which is fine. The focus wasn’t really on Nikko or mimi, which I can give a damn about. This is simple about the author’s criticism of a man whose words she twisted. Women in fact, should cherish their bodies and mind. I admit steve can’t rant on sometimes and you think, where is he going lol?

        However, I know his heart and the message and intent he is sending. When you have a major platform what message are sending and not a blog, what message are you sending?

        I’ve watch Steve hold bootcamps for men and teach women the value of young women. Instead of this author criticizing Steve, which in fact he may have said somethings not all correct. In my opinion she doesn’t either. Why doesn’t she use that platform to go and hold camps for women to empower and better the world.

        Steve teaches men how to be men. Not saying he does it perfectly, but I met a fatherless boy who left steve program was in the streets before him. Left and got a job and doing well all because steve took time out of his busy schedule to hold a free camp he paid for.

        Not to be judgemental but I don’t see the author doing anything of the sort for woman. And if she does more power to her.

        World changers and leaders speak their mind and do something about, rarely having to criticize other people.

        When Olivia(The author) Hosts a camp or conference that is impactful to teach women about their mind and bodies in the way she deems the correct or appropriate way. Call me…

        It’s doubtful as it seems. You see something something wrong instead of telling Steve to have a seem why don’t you enlighten him and see his effort and the good he spreads. I’m sure he has his closets too, but who doesn’t

        We have to do better…

      • Brenda Smith says:

        Exactly. She is calling out Steve on his simplistic, not well thought out, conflicting messaging and not empowering response. Call out the exploitation of women by men. She said our minds are our gold mines, not our bodies which men are willing to pay for? Really Steve?

  9. I agree with Steve Harvey 100%. Men like Nikko don’t care about treating women the way they deserve to be treated. But us women have the ability to either take advantage, or get taken advantage of. What’s wrong with valuing yourself, and wanting more for yourself as a person, as a woman? Steve speaks from the perspective of a man who KNOWS how dogs like Nikko think, and act. He’s telling the vunerable women out there to WATCH OUT, and VALUE YOURSELF. Don’t just give yourself to ANYBODY, because not ANYBODY is WORTHY of being with you. It’s disappointing that some people…including the author of this article, don’t understand.

    • You are so right Nikole, one commenter replied because we agreed with Steve Harvey’s comment we were being self righteous. I think Mimi was be self-righteous, not thinking about the ramifications this would have on her child. If thinking about my value in life and demonstrating to my daughters that you don’t have to allow men to use you as a sex object is wrong, then count me self righteous, I’m a Queen and I love myself enough not to use porn as a money maker. Porn is degrading, and you can only get degraded if you allow it to happen.

    • Craig Ock says:

      You hit the NAIL on the head….. 100%

  10. If you’ve ever listened to his radio show…or watched his talk show…you can tell that his main demographic is women. That’s his audience, so that’s who he tailors his content towards. No one is disputing the “double standard”, or the fact that men need to be held more accountable. But his demographic on his shows is primarily women, so his content is geared in that direction.

    But no one ever talks about the Mentoring Camps for young men he holds, where he knocks sense into these young boys before they turn into men who disrespect women. No one ever talks about that.

    • I just commented on this. Exactly… I was just talking to a little boy that was in a gang before steve’s bootcamp. He has a job now and doing well. He said it was when Steve hugged me and gave me some tough love. Of course not everyone will turn out that way. But damn the man held a bootcamp for thousands of young boys with his own money.

      I was just saying if the author wants change why doesn’t she host camps and conferences to change people’s way of thinking. It’s doubtful….

  11. Well I read it and I think Olivia needs to lift that man hate chip off of her shoulder. If she wants to critique Steve Harvey then she should do her homework first and get it right. Did she bother to listen to the whole radio show, or just the clip when he addresses the Mimi situation? Young people these days are so quick to order people to “take seats” and they don’t know who or what they are talking about. Steve Harvey doesn’t just try to give women advice. He dedicates a considerable amount of time mentoring young men. He tells the guys the same kinds of things he tells the girls. Steve is not a misogynist, he’s a paternalist. His concern and advice comes from a pragmatic view of the world today and not some idealized egalitarian view where Mimi and Nikko are equally vilified. Truth be told, Nikko is a nobody and that is largely why not much is mentioned about him. What Mimi did when she made this sex tape is damage her reputation. Not because she’s a woman and a mother, but because she characterized herself as a respectable businesswoman. Like it or not the consequences of her actions will fall on her daughter. And that is what Steve was warning.

    • Well said Reina! Olivia is the one who needs to take a seat and listen and watch Steve Harvey’s shows, there is a lot of positive interaction between his audience and guess panel. Notice in Olivia’s commentary she said she didn’t even look at the porn tape. What but you have a full blow comment a whole commentary? Really!

  12. Enigma says:

    Reblogged this on Enigma.. peace in words and commented:
    I came across this post; it has some interesting points…. The comments, make it even more intriguing. Share your thoughts!

  13. If you haven’t seen the sex tape why make a comment. It’s like have a comment about who is the president and you didn’t even vote!! Really! People. God did not put the Black Queen on the face of the earth to expose themselves like that. It dose not matter how long porn have been around. My people are going to parrish for the lack of knowledge. Olivia Cole I think you need to take a seat!

  14. d Bar says:

    To everyone critiquing Olivia , you all need to take a deep breath, calm down, and check your biases. You may not agree or like that she is calling out Harvey, but at the very end of the day you’re straight up FRONTING, because a lot of what she is saying is 100% TRUE. About misogyny, society’s double standard, and this prevailing phenomenon of men shaming women for doing what men have always done . Intent vs Impact : many are saying Harvey had a positive message and meant well as he always does, some say his audience is primarily women which is why he is only talking about women -irrelevant . Why? Bc whether he realized it or not , his impact was that he was perpetuating if not constructing ideals for how women should live their lives based off of what he thinks is right

    People kill me being so self-righteous, all mighty, and defensive. Think critically for once in your life. Learn to discern FACT and REALITY from PERSONAL ANECDOTE and EMOTION. If you actually read through it all and not allow your gut response to take over your mind – she brings up many strong points.

    I wish the focus in the conversations in these comments were more about finding a solution to the problem as opposed to defending Steve Harvey, because while the post is about him – IT’S BIGGER THAN HIM. He’s small fries – he doesn’t pay your bills or anything and y’all are trying to hold him up. Focus on the message and let’s talk about why these issues are very real and how can we move forward as a society.

  15. I have not heard anyone say that Nikko is “winning”. My personal opinion is that Nikko is trying to smash the rumor that he’s gay. I think it’s more important to get the message instead of finding reasons to shoot the messenger. Our vaginas are what allows us to bring forth life. From our womb there is life. Therefore, I can see my vagina being one of my most precious gifts. I am also just fine with him talking to women and young girls. The point is that most of these young girls don’t have a father or a man that is giving them any knowledge of men and the way they think. Also, a lot of the women that are responsible for these young ladies aren’t doing a very good job either for lack of understanding of their own power. He stated during the time of his book coming out that he was appealing to women and giving them the information because men are ignorant in a lot of ways and it is more beneficial to give the information to the woman because we hold the power. Yes Nikko was in the tape but MiMi held the power. When you think about the way things are around us with regard to relationships between men and women, no matter how a man claims to be the head (even the good ones) there is a woman attached to him thinking, “I actually run it, he just doesn’t know”. I have heard men before say the same as far as what a man will do it get “it” from us. If every woman in the world decided today to declare to all men that we will not sleep with them unless they had college degrees and held to our word collectively there would be a lot of educated men walking around. That’s the point. If all you can think of in exchange for your intimacy is monetary things then that’s your choice. However, if we were to say: Speak to me respectfully, care for your children, educate yourself, be career minded, be honest, don’t cheat, etc., as this is the ONLY way that I will lay with you and stick to that with no exceptions YES YOU CAN GET A MAN TO DO JUST THAT. These are the ways in which he will pay. As women we tend to over analyze things and jump to the conclusion that a man telling us about ourselves is sexist and we get to “going there”. Did you ever stop to think that maybe they aren’t telling it to you the way that you want to hear it, but it still needs to be heard because “IT”S HOW THEY ALL THINK”. It’s how the world thinks. I posted on FB about the situation and yes I mentioned briefly about Nikko and Stevie J but primarily MiMi. Why, because as a woman I hold her to a higher standard because I know what we are capable of. She is responsible for her daughter. You can see that Stevie J doesn’t give a damn about what his daughter is exposed to. I am in a relationship with an educated, respectful young man who is a great father and human being. Yet there are times that we laugh because he’ll do something odd and I’ll ask “Why didn’t you just…?” He’ll look at me and laugh and say, “I didn’t even think of that, but that’s why I need you because you stay on it.” Not that he’s ignorant but men just aren’t made of the stuff that we are made of and that why we do run the world. It is proven that we mature faster than they do and oft times are smarter. She could’ve shut that entire thing down and they still would’ve chased her and made fools of themselves doing it. We are the mothers of the earth. Think about it God decided that a man and woman were needed to create life. But he designed it so that a man would have to give his sperm to us and from there we take care of the rest even after conception because we have a better understanding and the strength to carry out the task. WE HAVE THE POWER.

    In conclusion, give this man some credit for trying to spread what knowledge he has. Let’s go after the hip hop industry for treating and promoting us as whores and items to be traded for pleasure and profit.

    With Respect,

    • I think it’s about the gay thing as well and Mimi was just gullible enough to be a casualty, unfortunately for her. I truly feel bad for her.

    • I LOVE your practical response and analysis. and to go a half step further with your earlier statement… when we, as women, hold these men accountable for coming to the table with more than just a penis and/or a pocket full of cash, we also tend to weed out the nonsense (separating the wholesome wheat from the strangling tares). Also, when we, as women, know what we want and how to get there, we are less willing to accept anything less than that. from that point, it’s up to the man to decide whether or not he desires the same things. if not, I would MUCH rather he go on about his business and in order to make room for me/other women to meet the man who’s serious and ready to commit ALL of himself to a relationship.

      as far as the headship of a man, his need for a woman’s practicality and more sensitive touch is MOST evident. more often than not, we hear men say “I didn’t think of it that way” shortly before realizing that a/his woman’s vantage point and practical advice was right, simpler, etc. Likewise, in many instances, a woman NEEDS a man’s rational ways of thinking and behaving as well as his inherent nature to protect and provide for those he loves. This DOES NOT, in any way, imply that either sex is weaker or better than the other. It merely points out our biological and intellectual differences and how we were created to be interdependent upon and help (not hinder or belittle) each other. When that display of equilibrium is out of whack, so goes society in like manner…

  16. …and for the record I am teaching my son as well as my daughter that their penis and vagina are one of their most precious gifts. I want him to know his penis is how is bloodline lives on and to select DNA just as carefully as I want my daughter to. Yet I know that I’ll have to enforce harder with my son. Why because he’s a boy and you know how they are, lolbvs.

  17. I happen to agree with Steve Harvey. Your reasoning behind not liking his response sounds very ignorant and seems as though you just want to go on some feminist tirade over nothing. You’re both reaching and picking at something that was meant to be advise to help US out. We are not men. We do not think like men nor do we feel like men. Yes, this was a sex tape involving both Mimi and Nikko but who gets hurt? Who has the 5 year old daughter? Who is viewed by society as a whore, by both males and females? Mimi is suffering behind this and S. Harvey seems to be just pointing this out to women as a reality check that this is how society is RIGHT NOW and until we change how society views and judges women, then he is spot on.

    • precisely! you can shoot, blame, belittle, etc. the messenger all you want but the truth that HE told will remain the same until WE, as members of society, change our mentalities and behaviors…

  18. It usually doesn’t matter who did it or what they did or the rationale they had for doing it. We as a society are judgmental in that aspect. Sure there is freedom of speech and freedom of expression and all of the other freedoms but in the society that we live in you are judged upon the actions you make. A sex tape for whatever reason in the public subjects you to that specific judgment regardless of who you are and anything that you stand for. All of the participants knew the repercussions and backlash a sex tape had, but of course trying to outshine the other person or elevate the drama factor you release the tape in your sense of fun or for popularity and you forget the “real life” battles that you have going on, your custody battles, your children, you don’t think about society’s effect on those aspects already fully knowing the society that you live in. I had a great friend that went missing this month and was found almost a week later shot and killed. She was a great woman, great friend and an awesome mother. Despite her being all of those things it was all outweighed by the fact that she was an exotic dancer. News reported on her and some never did it in the aspect that she was a young mother missing or a young woman missing, they reported a popular stripper missing. This opened the speculations and accusations, oh she was out turning tricks, she brought it on herself, when the truth of the matter was she was a young woman that was murdered.
    Society is never going to change anytime soon so that is why it is so important for women and men alike to think about the legacy, their name, their brand, their actions and the long term consequences instead of the “right now” attitude. .

      • Sonia Young says:

        I just read more comments and I think that you are on target. It is what society and media deems worthy of attention. I believe that there are far more productive things to have spent this much time on than this. But if the spotlight shines on it, we look in that direction. There were two young men who recently was accepted at every Ivy League college applied for. That news was a footnote and not given its true value. The example that you gave of your friend is compelling because to me, it indicates profiling and redirecting the value of that situation.

        We need to keep our eye on the ball. Whether anyone believes it or not, we are all being played.

  19. Sonia Young says:

    I just heard Steve Harvey’s remarks and then I saw this link. I was thinking the same thing as you, however, I could not have been more eloquent than you. When will men be accountable for their total disrespect of women. Many exploit the vulnerabilities of women to get what they want. Many will become what they think a women wants and deceive her and use her, then put her on display. He gets to walk away with no judgment but she will be accused. I appreciate this post and the comments that I have read, especially from men who truly love women.

  20. turner bryan says:


  21. Olivia sounds like a woman who has never had a positive role model in her life. If times are changing then they changing for the worst, if a person can find something wrong with what Steve Harvey said. It’s actually rather sad.

  22. Self-respect attracts respect from outsiders. Its clear to me that Steve Harvey gave encouragement to women generally (and the named woman specifically) to make positive choices and to think about the ramifications and consequences of our choices especially how our choices affect children. Why bash him for encouraging women to guard their hearts, spirits, bodies and sexual organs which are all interconnected. While people have the freedom to do and say what they please, most people have not been taught or have a mental amnesia concerning historical accounts of subjugation, exploitation and commodification of women (especially their bodies). So, we speak out when women internalize oppression and it manifest in acts of self demoralization and exploitation. Mr. Harvey isn’t demonizing this young woman. He’s doing what most of our fathers, boyfriends, husbands, brothers, etc. have failed to do and that’s to sit down and really express to us and acknowledge the value we have as females, women, sisters. I applaud his courage words and actions. We have the power to dictate the trajectory of our lives. Our choices play a major part in how we move forward in life but we must also acknowledge that the consequences of our choices are determined by outside forces that has the power to catapult us forward or make us stagnant.

    I too made a statement to my Facebook family about the role and influences of images…. see below the full statement that I made which is very parallel to Mr. Harvey’s statement..

    The consciousness of our people is being clouded by clichés and irrelevant clatter of callous individuals. This shower rod nonsense is indicative of the damage and forfeiture of values and standards by our women who are willing to exploit and commodify their selves in order to gain a little attention and notoriety. Lest we forget the many women who were unwillingly broken, beaten, demoralized, demonized and oppressed in the true “reality” spectacles of the agonizing, aching, and excruciating past. Some of our people have been bamboozled, deceived, hoodwinked… thinking they are portraying their “realities” through these reality shows. They are mere puppets, having their strings pulled by an industry whose purpose is to portray us as fools and clowns…sadly, most of these “actors” are willing to take and play the role. Once an image is displayed, it can’t be taken back. It becomes embedded in the consciousness of our hearts and minds. It matters not what your intent was, when an image is released into a public sphere, the visualization becomes subject to manipulation, imitation, simulation and condemnation. Be careful of the images you release of yourself and of the images that you allow others to capture and display. These images become representations of your story and reflect back to who you are and what you are about! Self-respect attracts respect from outsiders….One last thing to think about.. When releasing images, think about the emotional and spiritual impact it has on others, especially children.

    It’s not about absolving men from responsibility. Rather, it’s bout empowering and educating women to free themselves from ideologies and actions that are detrimental to their personhood. Mr. Harvey mentors and impacts males lives as well though. It matters not if you have ever met the person whom your encourage, you do it because you have a love for humanity and you just want people to be the best person they can be. I don’t think that Harvey was claiming his words as “truth” or “factual” I believe his intent was just to simply encourage and impact someone’s life (not limited too the above referenced woman).

  23. I had to find you after reading the post in HufPo… I can’t tell you enough how much I agree with you. For years I felt I was walking around in a haze because so many people were falling for Steve Harvey’s koolaid… I kept saying “is it me?” But, thank you…thank you for putting the words to paper to expose this man for what he really is! He spews ebonic-laced ‘knowledge’ about women because, he knows women? Puleaseeee! He has a very large platform with his books, radio show, television shows — which to this day I’m still baffled by as to why this man is getting these opportunities…then it dawned on me… our society needs a modern day minstrel to continue to spew and brainwash individuals who choose to ‘believe the hype’… and sadly, he has a lot of success. So many folks have been ‘led astray’ ‘bamboozled’ ‘been took’..lol…by this man.

    Anyway, couldn’t agree with you more! Now I’m going to delve into your blog… I see our ‘voice’ and I like what I hear!

  24. Jonny Doey says:

    From what I am gathering, the author does not have a problem with what Steve said, but that Steve was the one that said it. I am not the biggest Steve Harvey fan, but his overall message is whats important here, which is that more women, particularly those that have children and/or are role models to someone out there, need to have respect for themselves. Is it a double standard to expect women to have more respect for themselves while not holding men to the same expectations? Yes, just like its a double standard for society to give women a pass to hit and/or verbally abuse a man but frown upon any man that hits or verbally abuses a woman. Lets just call it like it is. Our society is so messed up because very few people want to listen to voices of reason. Then when someone makes a mistake or makes a wrong decision, those that dont listen to voices of reason feel the need to attack those that try to drop knowledge.

  25. Nipplegate – Janet Jackson get slammed, Justin walks away
    Twerkpocolypse – Miley gets slammed, Robin walks away
    Shower Rod Stewart – MiMi gets slammed, Nikko walks away…

    Sex IS LIFE… and I’m SO tired of people crucifying MIMI she was NOT in that sex tape alone and I’m sure she didn’t make the decision to do it lightly. This slut shaming, whore-mongering of women has GOT to stop!

    You know why we need to worry about her daughter….not because of what her mother did…Her daughter at risk for ridicule because of people who think their judgements are justified…people who feel its okay to shame and taunt and talk isht to both the mother and the daughter (but not the man or his kids) all because she is okay with being naked and having bomb ass sex on camera….just like children are not born racist, they are not born with our hang-ups about sex and sexuality. WE do that to them.

    If you don’t want to make a sex tape, you don’t have to…just like you don’t have to eat meat or relax your hair if you don’t want to…but who the HAYLE you think YOU are to pass judgment on someone else who is okay with doing so…? What they eat don’t make you isht!

    I doubt MiMi and Nikko’s (or Kim’s & Ray J’s or Paris’s & whoever she was with or Pam & Tommy’s) sex tape has interrupted your life in any way, so what makes it okay for you, and you, and you or I to even begin to interrupt hers and her daughter’s….She is the victim, society at large is the perpetrator…

    People make it seem like this means we are encouraging our daughters to make sex tapes, NO….not at all, what its about is giving our daughters, and sons and people in general, the freedom to be who they are and express themselves (and their sexuality) as THEY choose….not as you think they should or as you would want them to….

  26. katherinejlegry says:

    I was very surprised by the support Steve Harvey received from your exceedingly defensive readers. I had no idea that the host of the television game show Family Feud had such an influence on the hearts and minds of so many proud (or is it upstanding?) Americans. The “dog” that could call other “dogs” out “believably” or “convincingly” is a role model? YUCK.

    I appreciate your perspectives and after reading the majority of the reader comments, I admire your courage in the face of such adversity. May Steve lead his sheep well…

  27. This was not a sex tape leaked. This was done professionally and sold. I call that porn. If you decide to put it out there for everyone to see, then they should have prepared themselves to be judged.

  28. Keith Earlé says:

    I have to disagree with your message. I’m no Steve Harvey fan but I believe you are so literal on his monologue that you are missing the the big picture or message. Woman are judged by a double standard. Black women, a triple edge sword. Some times we do things to gratify the day and don’t weight the damages of tomorrow and who it may affect. Sometimes we really need to ask ourselves… how will this choice affect the ones closest to us, our children, our parents? If your answer is it won’t… well let’s just say you are far gone and nothing said here or anywhere else could help or matter. Truthfully I don’t feel Steve’s message is intended for Mimi as she does not strike me as a woman of character and of any standards. She is a highly visible person and already knows the fallout. This message is more for that sister-next-door who may think just because she is not as visible or a celebrity, it might not be that bad to compromise one’s integrity. And yes… ANY person that conducts themselves in this manner has compromised their integrity and so much more. It is destructive behavior, and there is no dollar figure that could begin to compensate for all that may be lost. We need our women strong and with no price tag. We need our men the same. But it starts with each of us. None of us are any more important as the next. Remember that and try and keep life and priorities in perspective.

    • Sarah Conte says:

      “Women are judged by a double standard. Black women, a triple edged sword. . .” And you’re okay with this? Your response is to keep your head down so you don’t get it cut off? I disagree. I think the answer is to change the way things are done so that you don’t have to guard yourself so carefully. I’m not a Black woman, but I can see that Black women are judged more harshly than I am. And I’m not okay with that. I’m not even okay with the situation in which I get off lighter. It’s not okay and we don’t have to simply tolerate it.

  29. danni mase says:

    “Do as I say..not as I do”…at some point we have all learned something from someone who is not perfect…. and just because we “know” better..we don’t necessarily do better..Steve Harvey is simply speaking from experience..obviously not experience as a woman..but experience from being perhaps a predator of women….he’s not alone..we can all agree on that?..But because he has come forward in this manner and may reach one young girl..I approve of his message…I will appreciate his tone..I will not judge his past or assume his agenda..that my dear is ignorant when its done within the confines of a message that condemns judging…huh? and furthermore..since when do we hold men to the same standards as women in terms of sexuality or damn near anything??..Since when??..do you really think that’s gonna fly..Nikko is a rock star right now my dear..whether you like rock or not..and Mimi..along with her daughter…will face the wrath of this world for her decision which was based largely on the fact that her morals and standards quite possibly take a back seat to her finances… and by the way the mind..the soul and the body are precious and of equal importance collectively and independently…..please sit in the chair you pulled out for Steve and rethink this..

    • cmtraylor says:

      I agree with you. The only reason this whole thing has the publicity it has is because of Mimi. How many young girls watch her reality tv show? Because of this tape, you can’t even buy a shower rod. Not only that they are calling them Mimi shower rods to sell them. Do you think she is going to see any of that money? Ummm, no. She has a child. Did she think about the fact that one day her child might want to Google her and what do you think is going to be the first thing that pops up? Should women be condemned for their sexuality? Absolutely not. I condemn her for her lack of forethought into how her decision would affect the life of her child. I condemn her for making a choice that would paint her as a bad mother. I condemn her for choosing to do something that will give her 15-minutes of fame for a bad choice instead of a lifetime of respect for a good one. Steve definitely should be a gentleman and give the author of this blog his seat. As a matter of fact, she should take several.

  30. This has been the most brilliant down to earth letter or rebuff I have read on this subject in the past, I can not even say when, because I have not read one.
    Olivia A. Cole my hats off to you, my shirt off to you, my pants off to you. You have stated so very well, (and yes from a Man’s point of view) an unspoken mind set that I must confess, at times I have fallen victim to. However i have not been victimized by being on the good ship Steve Harvey, I have been victimized by being a passenger that missed the Good Ship Steve Harvey thinking that some how, I needed to have had a hell of a lot, just to be considered worthwhile to but a ticket on the Good Ship Steve Harvey.

    Intellectually, those who having known me, would I hope, support me when I say, this has been my pulpit speech to my young brothers and young sisters from time. Still NEVER have I been so completely in admiration of words so honestly stated and yes, timely.

    Timely why? Because this has been my year of more visibly, actively involved in the Empowerment of women equally the empowerment of our men equaling equality for both.

    Thank you Olivia A. Cole for putting yours out there for all to see its value is not the only value you have to share.

    • Sorry a bit of editing should have been done

      This has been the most brilliant down to earth letter or rebuff I have read on this subject in the past, I can not even say when, because I have not read one PRIOR.

      I needed to have had a hell of a lot, just to be considered worthwhile to BUY a ticket on the Good Ship Steve Harvey.

      And Sharon Niles again you scored big time with the sharing of this piece

  31. Well all I have to say is this…Nikko was not the one crying on TV about his daughter and how his babydaddy can take his daddy away from him. Mimi was addressed because she is the one who is crying and hanging her head in shame. All Steve was saying was this: don’t think about this decision once you’ve put it out there…ESPECIALLY when you have daughters/children. Nikko is not the one on TV and the trailers wondering what he is going to do. Mimi is the one doubting her choice. So Steve was letting all the other mothers and future mothers know, think twice before you make decisions that could possibly affect you as a parent.

  32. I have taken the time to read most of your comments and they are indeed interesting. As a 49 year old African American woman, I can share with you that Steve Harvey is correct. When I was growing up my mother told me to take care of my “pocket book” meaning my jewels/my vagina.

    As a father of daughters Steve would not want his daughters to put out a sex tape, the same way no father would, period. Nikko has not been giving a pass in this situation, but let us be honest; there is a double standard, it does not mean that it is right, but it is what it is. Nikko is going to remain a man, but MiMi, MiMi will be everything but a lady (at least for a while anyway). It will be her daughter not Nikko’s that has to live with the shame of her mother’s action (does he have children?).

    I will close by saying that I can bet my last dollar that MiMi not Nikko is regretting the decision that she made to disrespect herself, her daughter, her mother and every other woman that stands for something, oh and one more thing just so you know “just because she is with Nikko does not make him her daughters father, being a man and standing for something makes him a father.

  33. Brenda Smith says:

    Thank you! Steve Harvey gets on my nerves with his “radio preaching sermonettes”. Of course, I saw on FB “Steve is telling the truf” about the tape. I stopped after a minute. Thanks for articulating what I was feeling. Hope he reads your article.

  34. im tripping because so many people care about two grown behind people making a sex tape. how about that child thats starving or being raped right now and not by choice? who knows this tape may make them become closer to GOD in the end.
    GOD works in mysterious ways.i know crack whores who have become better citizens and mothers and wives then 99% of the people on here. this is between those two adults and GOD. HE doent need steve harvey help or my help to teach his children a lesson.

  35. godtisx says:

    This post was a little lost on me, so I had to take your word for it? I don’t know who Nikko and Mimi are. I am assuming this is reality television.

    Anyway, your points were interesting. I kind I wish I was familiar with the situation. I was happy to catch you new post.

  36. I applaud this! It’s on point. Basically to me of what this is saying… Ladies, think like you’re sitting on a gold mine. Still, it’s a treasure made to be discovered by a man, even if it’s through doing a sex tape.

    • Sarah Conte says:

      No. No I’m not “sitting on a gold mine.” I have a vagina. And it’s not “A treasure made to be discovered by a man,” it’s a part of my body which I make decisions about. I choose who to share it with or not to share it at all. I decide what comes near it, what goes in and what comes out. It’s simply a part of my body which belongs to no one but me, not a treasure, not a jewel, not a goldmine. This whole idea is nonsense.

    • Sarah Conte says:

      PS and I “discovered” my own vagina loooong before I let anyone near it. You might feel like Christopher Columbus, but he didn’t find anything that hadn’t already been explored either.

  37. I just red some of these comments and the dumbing down of America is real

  38. Noni Ayana says:

    Luv :) please take a moment to read my blog on the public reaction towards the “sex tape”.

  39. If I rob a bank with a woman and we get caught who gets more time, me or her? I think the same because we’re both guilty. Unless I put a gun to her head or twisted her arm she knew what she was getting into and she chose to do it of her own free will. From what I’m reading I see people blaming Nikko for what Mimi is did. How does that work? How can women ever be equal if they’re never responsible for their own actions. Mimi is the victim? Why isn’t Nikko the victim? If you automatically think that Nikko is taking advantage of Mimi without having any prior knowledge of their agreement then you’re sexist. Are women the weaker sex and are unable to make good decisions? No!! If the sex tape were of two women I’m sure people would still find a way to make a man the bad guy whose responsible. Grow up people and accept reponsibility for your own actions and stop playing the blame game.

  40. Renee Browne says:

    To put it bluntly, this should only offend you if you had some stake in the sex tape. I agree with the post stating the fact that women shoulder the brunt of sexual responsibility for some reason. Our culture objectifies women into some idea of being delicate, timid, exotic creatures and someone easily swayed by another person’s idea. This is the age where we try to blow past that, restore power where there should be in a woman’s side of things. I only watch Steve Harvey on Family Feud, I don’t really care to have him dictate my bedroom lifestyle or anyone else’s. If friggin’ Kim Kardashian can have a sex tape and people allowed her to become famous along with all the other worthless reality television crap, Mimi and Nikko can do whatever they want, they’re adults, they could tape themselves doing lines of cocaine, the point is, people need to worry about THEIR lives. Did anyone on this page even see the tape?

  41. Renee Browne says:

    The fact that you agree with Steve Harvey is WHY women are still being treated the same way. Men are taught to chase the girl, that it is a good thing to be attracted to women, to appreciate them. A woman is taught to be polite, modest, stay chaste, stay safe. However, that is not how it is supposed to be done. A woman is an equal person. If she should protect herself then so should a man because his privacy is no more and no less important than hers. She should treat her body as she sees fit, not how the world sees fit. It’s the same reason women’s rights are even on the table in the government but men are free to do whatever they want to with their bodies from the get go, already able to get paid more, do surgery to their genitals and prevent themselves from having children without having to worry about the law interfering. Why aren’t men being judged equally to a woman?

  42. Noni Ayana says:

    Olivia, I will be discussing this topic on my internet radio show 10pm EST tonight, and I will be reading this particular blog to my listeners. Hope you’re able to listen in on the discussion! “If ya’ll didn’t eat the forbidden fruit…” Male chauvinism at its best, reeking of traditional sexist views to perpetuate and preserve male dominance, and the continual protest against the evolution of gender roles typically supporting patriarchy. Your idea of manhood thrives on ego, thus your discontent for the writer. Steve Harvey is an opportunist and I as a woman will not teach myself or my daughter that her sex is the ultimate prize. How dare he implies a womans (only) worth is her sexuality and how dare he minimize any other aspect of womanhood that is just as precious if not more.

  43. There are some points in this where I do not agree but she makes great points. I do not disagree with steve message but I do think it was one side. This was not a bash steve Harvey article. She was stating her option on what he said in his respond to the sex tape. A lot of people that comment were like they didn’t read the article so how can you have a option on the article? I don’t think steve needs to sit down I just wish his responds and advice was not so one side..

  44. Unfortunately – I disagree with the writer of this article, yet I do understand where she is coming from. It’s sort of a damned if you do & damned if you don’t. However, it’s totally about the respect of oneself and we don’t have to sacrifice our bodies in hopes of trying to assume some pseudo empowerment. Some are taking this WOMAN thing too far. Some are women, some are whores and will do anything for a dollar bill… Your actions choose what kind of female you are.

  45. Greg Hoskins says:

    It’s pretty sad that Steve Harvey is being taken to task about telling women/girls that they’re special. Everyone needs to be told that now and again. This is the same sort of thing a parent would say to their daughter. Anyone who’s listened to his show knows that he takes men to task as well. This post is selective. Bottom line, everyone should treat their sex like a precious gift. It is.

  46. I disagree wholeheartedly. The ramifications of this tape are real & far reaching. My school of thought is deeply rooted in the African Proverb: When you educate a man u educate an individual when u educate a women u education a nation. Women r and always will be teachers/ nurturers…this is and will forever be disgraceful, denigrating, and deplorable…Sex is awesome & wonderful but should not be recorded and then expect respect that’s laughable. Nikko is being rewarded and seen as a stud…Master Style

  47. Toni Johnson says:

    As for me, a Christian, a believer in every word o the bible, I agree that morality should be enforced more in today’s society. The lack thereof suggest that there is a lack of God in their lives. For me it’s not a matter of agreeing with what he said but rather agreeing with what the Word of God says. I get that men are not looked at the same when they fall short and yes women do get labeled when our lives are on public display. Even the word of God says that some things should be done in secret. When your goal is to be relevant be it good or a bad, you gamble with the outcome of your choices. If you allow society to evaluate your worth then you are subject to the backlash. The good news in accepting Jesus Christ as your savior is that when you mess up you sincerely ask for forgiveness and He will. The world is not so forgiving. This society feeds off of negativity, despair, and pain. This tells me that there is a lot of hurting people out there. When you know the truth (JESUS) you have peace, and you make better choices for your life!

  48. rainbowchica says:

    i understand what your saying, but it isn’t Steve’s fault that women are usually the ones targeted when sex tapes are released. yes he could have helped by talking about the men involved too because everything he is is trying to teach women could be applied to men too. But the world targets woman and praise men and yes he could have started the change that holds men equally as accountable, but i wouldn’t completely discount what he is saying because he only discusses half of the problem

  49. All he is saying is be careful of what you put on the internet and to treat yourself better than just a sex tape for some cash. you are taking what he says too deep. you sound like one the females hes talking about. not everything may be the right choice of words but you get the point.

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